Last night, while on the couch and simutaneously on the phone…
I decided I needed a cocktail and a cigarette. Which, let it be known, is nothing out of the ordinary. So, I got my ass up, went to the kitchen.

I’ve been fighting a cold, which is my excuse for being on the couch in the first place. Plus, it’s ‘holiday time so let’s get fat’ motivation going on right now.

Okay, standing in the kitchen with a vodka cran with a splash of oj.. I continue my conversation on the phone, thoroughly enjoying it, and I light a cigarette off the candle I leave burning on the counter. (Jesus hasn’t returned my lighter)

As I’m doing so, I drop a bit of ash on the newly cleaned kitchen counter. SO I grab a sponge from the sink ledge and lift the faucet to moisten it.

Here’s where I almost peed my pants, dropped the phone in the sink, and choked on my own spit from laughing so hard.

Oh yes, my dad had taped the button down on the sprayer and the faucet sprayed me full blast. 

My dad is around forty six…

Too bad he missed it.

First thing I thought to do was tape it back down after I had torn the tape off, but the smart son-of-a-bitch hid the tape. 

Later, he asked if my first words were, “That asshole!!”

When I replied no, that I was laughing too hard.. He put a five dollar bill on the counter.