Do you dream of butterflies?  Beautiful beautiful wings carry me to the place
Where I belong. I dream of butterflies taking me down wistfully into the rainbow hills- on my own, where I belong. Inhale the greenest weed, enjoy the journey, it carried me and now it will carry you to the place where I belong. Grow long spider legs that walk me far from here to where the  sounds are seen as green seas- waving, swaying- where smells are so strong- Overwhelming ecstasy. Exhale the hate, inhale green music where I belong. 

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So it’s official.  They’ve set the date of my very first funeral.  Now I’m crazy and there’s no way to avoid my impending doom.  So I guess I’ll only ask of you a few things, perhaps a shoulder or a little love.. I’d give anything for just a little taste of you- With nothing else to do but sit quietly and patiently wait for the moment to arrive. 

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On rainy days where the sun seems to hide behind the clouds of muck and pollution, I find it difficult to shower and get dressed. This morning in my daze of listerine and deodorant I forgot to put on any underwear. Someone asked me the other day why we wear underwear, and my response was less than logical. I don’t really know why we wear it either. Alright, well maybe support for boobies bra’s make some sense, but a thong? No real answer comes to mind. I supose it’s just a construct of society that I have never questioned.  To truly appreciate the human mind I have realized I must talk to as many backward people as possible. So the journey will begin.

This morning a veteranarian explained to me that my dog has been in constant pain for it’s whole life due to it’s eye’s being irritated and the muscles around them are enlarged- How could I have known? It’s so difficult to imagine being in constant pain but having no way to say anything to receive help. Did the dog hate us for it? For loving her yet not helping? Did she know we could? Or was she silently trapped in a world of pain with no way out, what a hell of a place.   And after the surgery, I’ll be laughing at her because the cone looks so funny around her wrinkled head, I’m an asshole.

I can hear the television telling me I’m lazy when I sit in front of it like a zombie- Have you ever wondered if it will someday come alive and kill you in your sleep? I don’t have one in my bedroom.  The toaster hates us so it spills it’s crumbs in the cabinet and on the floor every time we pull it out for english muffins, it’s abastard flea market toaster.

Things are coming alive and it’s only the beginning, my computer unplugged itself over the weekend while I was on it, most peculiar. The car drinks gas like it’s whiskey and there seems to be no end to it’s domination over the human race. Do we own our things or do our things own us?  I’m cleaning house this week.  It’s just stuff and I need less of it.

As with all morals and lessons this one this month has come right on time for me, to really see where I’m going I close my eyes and use what senses I have left- it’s the only way to find the right door.  Smiles can be felt not seen, I don’t see in colors but I feel them glowing and warming me at just the right time- when I need it most.  I’ve been giving hugs for free to those whom look like they need one, and it’s made all the difference.  Human contact is an extraordinary thing, and without it, I’m no better then the toaster or the tv.  I could use a foot massage for my troubles, have you got a moment?

Exhaustion plays no role, for I am floating.  It’s true, Becky wasn’t lying when she said I would get ‘it’ eventually.  I didn’t. Confused, broken picker, lost without a clue of which direction I really needed to push.  Settling was my problem.  I settled oh so often. And even if I haven’t found ‘it’, I at least know what ‘it’ is.  I feel it everywhere today.  The sun is shining, my dog actually cuddled with me this morning, my body just FEELS better. Can it be that when your mood lifts so high that most aches and pains subside? 

I let it all go this morning, I will not let them get me down.  No amount of stress or other people’s problems can bring me down from this feeling.  It’s the high I get when I’m done jogging.  It’s the warm feeling when I’m balled up under the covers on a cold night.  It’s the ice cream on my hot apple dumpling.  You know that stupid song from The Sound of Music about your favorite things… Yea. Anyways enough of that.

I had a dream last night, it was oh so cool. I was running around the parking lot of a concert in a halter top and skirt kissing and dancing with the girls to make the boys jealous.  I was with the most amazing friends and we were eating tofu scramble with vegetables. 

‘My life as a daydream
My life as a road to the Promise Land
My life is nothing but a Fairy Tale
I guess that’s who I am.’