Right about now the real world is full of droids turning off their lamps and blowing out their candles.  Do they know they are all Mutants?  We all once walked without shoes or clothes.  Life was appreciated for what it was, and days were not spent in a building shuffling slices of processed trees are a small room.  Life was laughter in a wheat field or tears in the midst of a storm.  Life beat you down when you needed the lesson.  Now there is no lesson and they are all losing their sight.  If it’s too late then I will meet you where the Real People wander…   I will be there to survive.

I’m tired of the frosting and sugary substitutes.  I’m damn sick of the gravy that man so desires to drown his everyday meal in.  It’s a thick coating to cover what’s real, to shield what may be really true.  I’m finished with applique’s and molds.. 

I’m ready for the Real People to shine.  We will make it, but we will make it alone.

Do you dream of butterflies?  Beautiful beautiful wings carry me to the place
Where I belong. I dream of butterflies taking me down wistfully into the rainbow hills- on my own, where I belong. Inhale the greenest weed, enjoy the journey, it carried me and now it will carry you to the place where I belong. Grow long spider legs that walk me far from here to where the  sounds are seen as green seas- waving, swaying- where smells are so strong- Overwhelming ecstasy. Exhale the hate, inhale green music where I belong. 

——————

So it’s official.  They’ve set the date of my very first funeral.  Now I’m crazy and there’s no way to avoid my impending doom.  So I guess I’ll only ask of you a few things, perhaps a shoulder or a little love.. I’d give anything for just a little taste of you- With nothing else to do but sit quietly and patiently wait for the moment to arrive. 

——————————–

If ever there was a time for change, it is now.  We aren’t all just vermin scourging the Earth to be number one in the rat race for ‘who can be the best, richest, and most powerful.’  Power is a state of mind, give it all up- give any power you think you may have and humble yourself to what really matters.  Power may be what fuels the fittest to survive, by it is the wisest that seem to be right.

A strange urge overcame me last night; it must have been two or three in the morning.. much earlier than expected.. And I had the urgent idea that I needed to give my shit away. All of it. Down to the posters on the wall. Do I really need all this stuff? What does it do for me? Who am I that I keep these things? Questions left unanswered as I lay in the dark. Cold too, for there was no one but Brutus and he does not cuddle so well. Although, being of sound mind I try not to cuddle the dog too often- he may start to think I like him. Bwahaha.

So this morning I loaded two canvas paintings into the car and decided they should go to someone else.  Someone who will appreciate them as I did- if such a person exists.

And maybe tomorrow my hands will get antsy and pull the books off the shelves, anything and everything must go! I’m cleaning house and clearing the way for bigger and better ideas. Yoga mat? Hmm drum set perhaps? Or just an empty space to let the energy flow more freely round the house. A large plant. Yes. A large plant would be nice. 

Tried the whole Feng Shui thing, that’s so difficult, with rules about mirrors and water and which way the bed should sit… To much effort. I’ll sleep on the deck.  Feng Shui can put that in it’s pipe and smoke it. Ha.

And so it is, just like you said it would be.  Predictable Connie declaring some predictable influx of ideas.  Just let me know when the lights go off, for then it will be time to come around again.

On rainy days where the sun seems to hide behind the clouds of muck and pollution, I find it difficult to shower and get dressed. This morning in my daze of listerine and deodorant I forgot to put on any underwear. Someone asked me the other day why we wear underwear, and my response was less than logical. I don’t really know why we wear it either. Alright, well maybe support for boobies bra’s make some sense, but a thong? No real answer comes to mind. I supose it’s just a construct of society that I have never questioned.  To truly appreciate the human mind I have realized I must talk to as many backward people as possible. So the journey will begin.

This morning a veteranarian explained to me that my dog has been in constant pain for it’s whole life due to it’s eye’s being irritated and the muscles around them are enlarged- How could I have known? It’s so difficult to imagine being in constant pain but having no way to say anything to receive help. Did the dog hate us for it? For loving her yet not helping? Did she know we could? Or was she silently trapped in a world of pain with no way out, what a hell of a place.   And after the surgery, I’ll be laughing at her because the cone looks so funny around her wrinkled head, I’m an asshole.

I can hear the television telling me I’m lazy when I sit in front of it like a zombie- Have you ever wondered if it will someday come alive and kill you in your sleep? I don’t have one in my bedroom.  The toaster hates us so it spills it’s crumbs in the cabinet and on the floor every time we pull it out for english muffins, it’s abastard flea market toaster.

Things are coming alive and it’s only the beginning, my computer unplugged itself over the weekend while I was on it, most peculiar. The car drinks gas like it’s whiskey and there seems to be no end to it’s domination over the human race. Do we own our things or do our things own us?  I’m cleaning house this week.  It’s just stuff and I need less of it.

As with all morals and lessons this one this month has come right on time for me, to really see where I’m going I close my eyes and use what senses I have left- it’s the only way to find the right door.  Smiles can be felt not seen, I don’t see in colors but I feel them glowing and warming me at just the right time- when I need it most.  I’ve been giving hugs for free to those whom look like they need one, and it’s made all the difference.  Human contact is an extraordinary thing, and without it, I’m no better then the toaster or the tv.  I could use a foot massage for my troubles, have you got a moment?

Exhaustion plays no role, for I am floating.  It’s true, Becky wasn’t lying when she said I would get ‘it’ eventually.  I didn’t. Confused, broken picker, lost without a clue of which direction I really needed to push.  Settling was my problem.  I settled oh so often. And even if I haven’t found ‘it’, I at least know what ‘it’ is.  I feel it everywhere today.  The sun is shining, my dog actually cuddled with me this morning, my body just FEELS better. Can it be that when your mood lifts so high that most aches and pains subside? 

I let it all go this morning, I will not let them get me down.  No amount of stress or other people’s problems can bring me down from this feeling.  It’s the high I get when I’m done jogging.  It’s the warm feeling when I’m balled up under the covers on a cold night.  It’s the ice cream on my hot apple dumpling.  You know that stupid song from The Sound of Music about your favorite things… Yea. Anyways enough of that.

I had a dream last night, it was oh so cool. I was running around the parking lot of a concert in a halter top and skirt kissing and dancing with the girls to make the boys jealous.  I was with the most amazing friends and we were eating tofu scramble with vegetables. 

‘My life as a daydream
My life as a road to the Promise Land
My life is nothing but a Fairy Tale
I guess that’s who I am.’

This is an ode.

I love beans. Garbanzos and red ones
Fried and baked
Stewed or sauteed.

Bean dip is better when you use refried beans and make it, then to just buy a can in the chip aisle.

Garbanzos are better from Harps than Wal-mart.  Yes, there is a different.  Harps are bigger.

Sautee them and put them on lettuce, ah what a feast!

Some advice, try hummus, it’s the king of all bean dips. It’s amazing. 

There was Jack and his magical beans,
 Green beans, lima beans, and jelly beans.

 Lentil soup or seven bean bake

Espresso beans, coffee beans- Beans that jump
Kidney or Pidgeon
Navy or Pinto-
Such a magical fruit 

Strangest dream crept up my pillow the other evening
Or should I call it morning?
On a bridge made of plastic and filled with air I ran with the others
We hid, and ran- for what was out there was much too frightening to look at.

My dear brother couldn’t stand to run from these Demons any longer,
He slit his neck with a box cutter right in front of my eyes-
Giving me a glance of hopelessness he performed this task effortlessly and without fear.

As the screams rose and darkness encompassed the bridge I took the knife
And sliced so delicately that bridge..
Releasing the air holding us above the rough waters
And collapsing our only safe-haven.

Salt water, assumingly, rose above our toes and legs
Giving and taking life at the same time
Unbiased was Death – I welcomed him.
__________

What does it mean to dream of destroying your own bridge instead of building it??

What does it mean to challenge Death, and welcome it? Am I confronting the Fear or giving up in this dream/nightmare?…

Furthermore, the suicide of my brother rattled me.  My mind concocted such a terrible vision – this dream has not left my memory, nor do I think it will..

Slide on down the pipes

He’s feeling insecure, unsure
But he knows and tries not to show
The shaking
As he slides on by her
Time stopped- Slow motion
It’s just she and him in an ocean
Of frozen objects

Material things of atoms and energy fall apart
When time frozen every vibration stopped
And the atoms dropped

Leaving just she and him
Floating into a million peices

Sitting upright so we don’t fall down
We all talk but it’s all just sound

A cut, a slice,
take a piece of my life
But leave me a memory

I’m taking the hole and filling it with songs
It’s all so much easier if it’s sung
With a sweet sound
And a gruff laugh so loud

Each comment is with love
From the wrong side of reality.

Everyone is eager to throw stones
But I guess someone has to be there to catch them

While the Earth rattles I feel the thump thump of my insides
Not my heart but the flow of blood molecules jumping
Always so happy to be pumping

I want the energy to be what it is that makes me proud
Give and exchange wisdoms for all to share

Without selfish motivations in the air.